We've spent several weeks now moving back and forth through Honduras, staying in places we didn't want to and in pretty crappy hostels.  Some of us have sincere aversions to entire cities because of bad experiences or feeling spiritually oppressed or like we are wasting time.  Sometimes it just all seems to come together.  It's usually after a long period of asking why and going through things that don't make any sense and are really tough.

You know what?  Forget it; no more introductions or prefaces.  God is on fire.  God is a consuming fire.  He's consuming us daily and He's consuming others as well.  He's consuming Dustin and Sheldon and especially Adam.  They know it and so do we.  Does that mean we are doing something right?  Heck no.  Does that mean we are righteous and worthy?  Not a chance.  It means that His grace is sufficient for us.  It means His love is truly Almighty and He is a warrior.  These Army guys and girls we have met and hung out with are warriors and protectors also.  They speak of giving their lives for one another without hesitation.  They volunteer to be away from their families for a year or more at a time and go through incredible hardships.  It's no secret that some people receive special training on how to survive if taken captive and interrogated... tortured. 

I can't even look at that word without breaking down into tears.  It really troubled me and I had to fight to type it.  It's taken minutes for me to start this next paragraph.  The bond I've already developed with these guys is incredible and it has absolutely ripped my heart out to think of what they have subjected themselves to just in training of defense of someone else's life, for my life, for yours.  Something has been struck in me and I'm not going to stop writing until it's out.  Sometimes I feel so inadequate.  I look at how kind everyone has been to me and I think what a failure I am because I'm not as kind and giving as they are and I'm the one who has the Joy of the Lord.  I feel like that for a little while and then the Lord will bring one of them to me and they will say how much they have needed someone to come along in their life and be something new and fresh and complete.  And then I realize I'm not a failure.  I'm being used by God.  I'm decreasing and He's increasing, both in my own life and in someone else's. 

When I think about the sacrifice a soldier makes for a civilian, it's the same thing as Jesus did.  God himself was tied up and beaten... mercilessly.  He was absolutely torn open by clubs and whips sewn with jagged pieces of rock and bone.  He was beaten for me, so I wouldn't have to suffer a blow.  Look deep inside and discover that you believe what's written: that the wages of sin is (indeed) death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord. (Romans 6:23).  He is the Way, the Truth, and the Life, and He gave everything, everything, for you.  What a concept!  A love that surpasses all.  Find a quiet place to truly meditate on and ponder that fact for a while... the fact that God is a God of unfathomable love and mercy... see if it doesn't change your outlook a bit.  See if it doesn't humble you. 

I just looked back at that word I had trouble typing and the movie "The Passion of the Christ" comes flooding back as I stopped again to weep.  I weep because it's so real.  Sometimes Jesus is ethereal and mystic to me.  I wish I could portray the emotion and heart that I'm pouring out into this.  Not because I want you to see me, but because I want you to see what's going on in me.  It's hard for a person who's set up in a tangible world to absorb an intangible Savior from thousands of years ago.  God's been putting the faces of Van and Emile, Rob, Corey, Rachel and Vijay, Dustin, Sheldon, and Adam in my mind's eye.  Their sacrifices are very real and tangible to me.  That's what the whole point is, anyway.  God is in everyone and each one of us is a special creation of His, created in His image.  Perhaps for the first time ever, I'm truly seeing the face of God in someone.  I can see exactly how God rejoiced in knitting them together in their mother's wombs; how he boasts righteously that He knows the exact number of hairs there are on their heads and that the thoughts He thinks for them are more numerous than the grains of sand on the seashore.

He's given me the ability to share in His joy and love for His own creation.  It's been very special for me.  I can see how God clothes the flowers of the field and the birds of the air in radiant beauty and that not even King Solomon could dress himself in such splendor.  And then to understand that if He clothes things like the grass that is temporary in such splendor, that He will certainly clothe His precious creation (you) so much more elegantly and eternally... it makes Him even more real and lovely. 

So where am I going with all of this?  Where am I being led?  I'm being led to understand what it means to make a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland.  Isaiah 43:19 speaks of newness.  Newness of life and love and grace.  I've always loved that verse and have desired to understand its deep meaning.  God is doing a new thing.  He is making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland.  We are just blessed to be a part of it.  This last month has been a conflagration of many experiences and ups and downs.  I always knew (all of my team did) that it was going to be for a great and glorious thing, that the Kingdom of God would be expanded and glorified because of our smallness and His greatness.  Sometimes it feels like we've been through the ringer, run over by confusion and uncertainty.  It's been a difficult month of traveling, worrying about safety and budgets, giving in to fear and lies, conflicting on what we are supposed to do, being quick to anger and slow to love at times... all the things us 'Christians,' that have love, should not be doing, should have conquered long ago. 

God is springing up.  He's springing up in the lives of our new friends.  I was so concerned when we were first getting to know them that we weren't really any different to them.  I was afraid we were simply new people to talk to because the base is very secluded.  That's another thing that I felt conquered by, that I wasn't really different deep down; that people didn't see something else in me.  But I know that's not true.  I know that I am set apart and that the Spirit of the Lord is upon me.  He's been showing me how I can allow Him to make a difference just by being.  As we moved from Utila to Comayagua, I understood that what God needed me to do was to just be me.  I've gotten a lot of confirmation lately about how I'm supposed to live my life.  He's been reassuring me that all I'm supposed to do is be me, and that He's happy with me.  Everything I do is supposed to be for His glory and Honor, even the simple act of just living my life. 

That is what this month has been for me.  I've learned that God is pleased with me in the day to day and He uses me even when I don't notice it.  Even when I'm being stubborn or whatever, I'm still loved.  It's that easy.  I've always heard that the truth of the Gospel is easy.  That's becoming a reality to me.  I was loved first.  So were you. 

I typed a really good blog about how we got from Managua, Nicaragua to Tegucigalpa, Honduras on no plans whatsoever and have been trying to post it for days.  Sometimes its formatting, sometimes its a computer won´t even read my flash drive, sometimes its no connectivity with my computer... so this is the blog that wasn´t because the blog that is, isn´t.

Yes, we did make it from one capital to another through divine providence and, well, through divine providence.  The details are just details, but a special thanks goes out to ¨Bubba¨from South Carolina.  Once in Teguz, we found a cheap hostel near the square and went out to meet God and see what we were there for.  Turns out, we were only there to pray for an old man in a church and because God knew Beth would need an American Embassy.  Somewhere along the way, she lost her passport (completely out of character for Beth, I must defend her responsibility) and was able to get a temporary one in 24 HOURS!!!!  Yes, God can do anything.  

So here we are, in Valla de Angeles, a small tourist trap outside of Teguz, really just a weekend retreat, setting up our on shops around the square and talking with unsuspecting English speakers about the God we serve.  We are also answering the prayers of a woman and her family just down the road, who has been praying for missionaries to serve.  We are they and she couldn´t be happier.  We´re going to church with them every night in preparation for Holy Week and being whatever service we can to her and her family. 

Blessings to all.